I called my bank a few weeks ago and spoke with a representative about ordering some foreign currency. The man I talked with told me that I’d need to stop in and sign a few papers before the transaction was complete. A few minutes later, I hopped in my car and drove about two minutes to my local branch.
Naturally, once I was in the building, I walked up to a teller and told the woman that I was there to sign a document or two to finish up a foreign currency transaction. She looked bewildered. She asked if I was sure that I was at the correct branch. I said, “yes,” which only added to her puzzled expression.
As one does, she said she was going to ask one of her coworkers where the papers were for me to sign. I said, “no problem,” and waited patiently on the other side of the glass. She took about two steps before her coworker shoved the papers into her chest and uttered, “they were right behind you,” in a very condescending, argumentative tone.
“Okay, noted,” I thought to myself, as I tried to dismiss the interaction.
The teller I was working with was clearly struggling with piecing together what she was supposed to do for the foreign currency transaction I came in for. She was unfamiliar with the paperwork, questioning the process aloud, and in obvious need of some direction and guidance from a colleague.
But instead, she received the opposite.
Her coworker was sitting at her desk, making snarky comments under her breath, and adding uneasy tension to the room in a very unprofessional manner. I won’t repeat what she said, but I was taken aback by not only her tone but the language she was using, too. It was totally out of line, and I couldn’t believe that she acted and said the things she did in front of a customer. The whole interaction was uncomfortable.
Meanwhile, the teller I was working with was absorbing the negativity from her coworker, which was reflected in her demeanor, her quality of work, and her overall presence. She kept making mistakes, questioning herself, and apologizing for her errors.
I kept telling her that I was in no rush, that she could take her time, and that she didn’t need to apologize at all. I tried my best to make her feel a little bit more at ease and know that I didn’t mind waiting until she figured out what she needed to. After all, she was helping me.
A few minutes later, when the transaction was complete, I thanked the teller for her help and turned to walk out of the building. Just as I was leaving, I heard the teller’s coworker say, “You made that WAY more difficult than it needed to be!” I was dumbfounded to say the least. Who does that comment help? What is your purpose in saying that?
I left the bank and couldn’t stop thinking of how bad I felt for the teller I was working with. She didn’t deserve to feel on edge or insecure in herself.
It brought me back to the time I started a new job, and the woman who was training me used fear as a tactic to make herself seem more authoritative, experienced, and knowledgeable. Even as I got the hang of things and didn’t need her help on a regular basis, she would point out every little minor detail and scrutinize my work. Her “help” never felt like help. It felt like an opportunity for her to showcase her “managerial” style, which was nothing close to a leader and more so of a “boss”.
See, being under the watchful eye of someone who makes demeaning comments, never praises you, and doesn’t understand the difference between empowering you and making you feel like you’re unintelligent, comes with an immense amount of pressure to perform perfectly. You’ll feel less confident in your abilities, even if you know what you’re doing. Just knowing that someone is waiting for you to mess up makes you mess up. It’s the worst feeling.
A few minutes later, to my surprise, I received a miss call from my teller. She left a voicemail saying that she was deeply sorry, but she needed me to come back in and sign another paper that she missed while I was there. She followed up the voicemail with an email, as well.
I responded and said that it was not a worry, and I would make my way there in a few hours.
Was I surprised that she missed a paper that I had to sign? Not at all.
In a situation where she could have been empowered and helped, she was belittled and made to feel powerless. No one thrives in those situations. Mistakes are bred in them.
The teller responded once again apologizing for her mistakes and said she hadn’t done a foreign currency transaction in a little while. I thought, “This is my chance.”
I replied to her email and told her that she did not need to apologize at all. I also proceeded to tell her that had her coworker helped her instead of leaving her to her own devices, a mistake probably wouldn’t have been made. I then added that I would much rather work with someone who is kind and makes a mistake or two than work with someone who is intentionally rude and gets it right on the first try.
What I’m trying to get at is, you have no idea how much you can lift someone up and be the reason they’re confident in themselves and their abilities, just by supporting or helping them. If you’re in the position to be right or to be helpful, be helpful. Every time. I can promise you that being right isn’t nearly as important as being kind and supportive.
My intention with detailing this interaction is to highlight how significant it is to empower people when they’re in a moment of weakness. When you uplift others, root for their success, lend a helping hand, and offer reassurance, you can truly transform people’s behaviors, mindsets, and abilities.
All it takes is for one person to believe in you, one person to know you got it, and one person to want to see you succeed. I think we’re quick to underestimate how vital that support is, but in many scenarios, that can make or break it for someone.
Whenever you’re in the position of top dog, be sure you’re aware of the underdogs. Just a quick, “I’m here for you,” may feel meaningless at times, but to someone who needs to hear that, it means everything.
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