Because I Want To

Before I actually pulled trig and moved out to Salt Lake City in November 2020, I scoured the internet for people to live with. When you’re moving to a new city and don’t know anyone, you hope that your roommates are people you can actually be friends with; otherwise, you’re cooped up in your bedroom hoping that someone will pop out of the woodworks and ask to be friends.

More specifically though, I joined a Facebook group one boring Sunday afternoon in October 2020, which was for SLC apartments, sublets, and roommates because I was curious to see what kind of people were in the same boat as me. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to actually move to SLC yet. I had been mulling over the idea for days, but this was the first step that snowballed my dream into reality.

Once I was accepted into the group, I read the first post. It was written by a girl who seemed friendly, fun, and easygoing. I thought, “What do I have to lose?” and messaged her. Again, I wasn’t even 100% sold on the fact that I was going to move, but I thought if I talked to someone who was in a similar position as me, maybe that’d help me make my decision.

That girl ended up being my roommate— the first person I messaged. Looking back, that feels really significant. Had I not decided to join that Facebook group while sitting in my car in a random store parking lot, perhaps I wouldn’t have gone to SLC. It’s crazy how everything happens for a reason.

Anyway, my roommate and I wanted a three or four person apartment because the more the merrier, so we spent a few weeks messaging people who posted that they were looking for roommates, too. We also made our own posts and fielded a lot of repetitive questions.

If you’re from the east coast and haven’t been out to the Colorado, Utah, Wyoming area before, let’s just say, the vibe out there is entirely different from how it is here.

To put it plainly, we're just two different breeds. Utah has an adventurous, outdoorsy, chill, take-it-easy vibe. People ski or mountain bike or hike or canyoneer or rock climb. When you're out there, you come across the grungy, all-natural look way more often than you do here in Massachusetts, and it’s not uncommon to meet people who relocate to be outside more or to work at one of the ski resorts.

What I loved about searching for a third and fourth roommate was that so many people who were posting on that Facebook group weren’t just different based on their appearances or employers, they were different in terms of mentality, too.

When I definitively decided I was going to move to Utah, I constantly had to defend my choice of city and my choice to simply relocate. People were so puzzled.

“Utah??? Did I hear you correctly?”

“Yes, you did. It’s a state. One of the 50 here in the US of A. I’m going because I’m bored of this place, I’m ready for something new, I’ve been wanting to visit for a while, I’m living under my mom’s roof again, I don’t have any kids, I’m young, I’m single, and gosh, are those enough reasons for you????”

Very few people would take, “Because I want to,” for an answer. Even though that’s all I really wanted to say.

But that’s one of the reasons why I knew going to Utah was the right move for me. I would message people or people would message me, and one of the first questions we’d ask each other was, “Why are you moving?” and “How long of a lease are you looking for?”

When a 24-year old moves to a metropolitan city like Boston or New York City, they’re usually moving because they landed a new job, or at the very least, there’s a concrete reasoning to defend their choice. That reasoning has sustenance. It’s viable. It’s worthy of praise…

Yet many people in that Facebook group had answers sans sustenance. I talked to many girls who were going out just for ski season. I talked to girls who had no idea if they’d be there for 6 months or a year or even longer. I talked to girls who didn’t have jobs and were willing to go and find one when they were out there. I talked to people who just wanted to be in Utah’s nature— that’s it. That was the whole reasoning they were moving.

Coming from a girl who had always been surrounded by “you should dos” and “you have tos” and “you ought tos”, I was so intrigued by this relaxed, go-with-the-flow state of mind. I surely wasn’t from that part of the country, but as soon as I was exposed to that level of trust in oneself and willingness to explore for the sake of adventure, I couldn’t look the other way. I knew my mind had wandered to Salt Lake City so that I could get a taste of the good life, and once I tasted it, I was addicted.

I say all this because I feel like we’re all caught up in making it look like we got it figured out. We throw on a facade to deter people from assuming we’re lost or unclear, and then, worst of all, we lie to ourselves and justify our actions because, God forbid we don’t have the most praiseworthy reasoning for doing what we’re doing.

Why do we do that? Why do we deny ourselves the liberty of just fucking living?

Last time I checked, none of us make it out of here alive. We all have the same fate. What we do with the time in-between is what sets us apart.

So, this one’s for the people who have no good reasoning for doing whatever the hell it is they want to do. I’m sorry, but your grandma’s opinion and your coworker’s disapproval and your aunt’s best friend’s concern is not reason enough to let your goals wither away. It’s not their life. It’s yours. Just because they want to go to the same restaurant they’ve been eating at on Friday nights for 10 years doesn’t mean you have to.

Learn to be okay with not giving everyone a “good enough” answer. I wish this were something I was comfortable with before my move, but now when someone asks why I went out to Utah, I say, “because I wanted to,” and I’ve learned, how they react says more about them than it does about me.

You do not need permission to live your life, and if you feel like you do, that’s exactly why you should start living for you.