I was in a meeting the other day, and someone shot down an idea that I felt so confident sharing.
Let it be known, this person wasn’t rude when turning down my idea. It wasn’t like they said, “Terrible idea, Taylor. What were you thinking?”
It was just simply, “Let’s keep thinking.”
Which triggered the inevitable.
The stinging. The “Why did you volunteer to go first?” commentary from the peanut gallery. The embarrassment. The smile that faded to a straight face. The physical flush from feeling my self-esteem take a hit.
Those moments never feel good. A lot of the time, they literally feel painful… well, maybe not painful, but they sure as heck aren’t good feelings.
But right after that initial sting, the part of me that doesn’t give a royal hoot about how often I’m hurt, whispered, “All she did was bruise your ego. It’s good for you. Trust me.”
And instantly, my mood changed. It was no longer, “Shit, that did not feel good.” It was, “Learn how to detach yourself from needing to feel confident and secure all the time.”
Because that.is.not.life.
That is your ego trying to protect you from feeling vulnerable and susceptible to criticism, blame, and any and all hurt, but guess what? No life here escapes scotch free from any of that. We are all going to experience the lows from time to time. It’s not only unavoidable; it’s necessary, but your ego will never let you believe that.
Do not let your ego win.
~
I invite you to learn the benefits of sitting in those uncomfortable, unwanted feelings of shame, embarrassment, ignorance, and hurt. As humans, none of us “like” them. We recognize them as foreign invasions in our bodies and minds, and we try to push them out and write them off just as quickly as they envelope us.
However, those moments are packed with loads of information about what you struggle with and why. They tell you where your weak spots are and where you’re most susceptible. More than that though, you learn how to handle situations that you deem less than “ideal” when your ego gets a little bruised.
For instance, when my idea was shot down in the meeting that I previously mentioned, my very automatic, initial response was to get angry at the woman who decided against what I had to say. It was instantaneous— done completely by my ego’s agenda.
“Get mad.”
“Write her off.”
“How rude.”
But I sat there. I stayed in those feelings. I let the stinging sensation run through my body and the peanut gallery go off, and all I did was listen and feel.
Then I remembered that I’m not my illogical responses— that my ego is only trying to protect me, but ultimately, my ego is not me. I rarely resonate with her tactics.
~
I want to end by saying something very important:
I am a big proponent for understanding the ego’s motives and recognizing that you are separate from its irrational thoughts and actions. I have urged you to welcome those moments of discomfort and not shy away from them because they’re big indicators of where your sore spots are.
I also want to add: I’m an even bigger proponent for playing on your strengths more than your weaknesses. I think there’s a big narrative around “working on your weaknesses”, and yes, I agree— but only if it’s of benefit to you. I would never sit in the feelings of hatred or anger and say to myself, “let’s work on hating less.” I would put more of my time and energy into loving more, which by virtue, disintegrates hate.
Likewise, I wouldn’t sit in the feelings of anger and figure out how to be “less angry”. I would focus on being happier and more fulfilled and that will dissipate the anger. All of this is driven by your ability to recognize your hatred and anger but NOT staying there. Calling out your weaknesses and then playing on your strengths.
Emotions are natural and inevitable, to some degree, but do not believe anyone that says you “can’t control” them. You most certainly play a hand in how you choose to feel and react. Make sure your ego knows that, too.
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