Quarantine was/has been (what’s the correct terminology for this in-between place we’re currently living in now?) polarizing in emotions and mental state of being. I don’t need to elaborate on that one.
With so much time to ruminate in my thoughts, I slowly realized I was passively living a life I did not feel aligned to. Before the middle of March, I had been living day-to-day, going through the motions, and not really taking charge of anything I wanted or, quite frankly, needed; however, over the course of the last eight months, I have tried to live more purposefully.
I was living in an apartment in Boston for all of quarantine. Even if I were in a mansion during all of this, I’m sure I would still feel the constraints of being confined, but being in an 800 sq ft living space really forced me to take a good hard look at myself.
My roommate and I started off doing all the obvious self-care activities. We made it a point to read more, meditate, go for walks, workout, cook new recipes, and try to stay busy. It was truly my saving grace during that time. I hadn’t realized it before, but I was dying to be re-centered. When I finally started making myself a priority, I was practically mortified that I had spent all that time and energy on things that didn’t adequately fuel me. How had I fallen off for so long?
Regardless, self-pity is good for one thing: to light a fire under your ass to make a change. It was during this time that I decided to make many.
Somewhere between the first day I was mandated to stay home and today, I slowly took control of the reigns. It seems pretty obvious, but in order to be happy, you have to do what makes you happy. Intentional choices are essential to living a worthwhile life, and you’re not going to live one by being the co-pilot. You’re just not.
I realized that my form of fun and entertainment revolved largely around alcohol. That I spent money willy-nilly because I had it. That I didn’t volunteer as much as I had wanted to. That I gave up reading on a consistent basis because what was happening on my social feeds were more important. That I didn’t make nearly enough time for my family. That I was writing for a girl who wouldn’t even take her own advice. I realized I was on a path to being really unhappy and unfulfilled.
So, I made changes. One by one. I knew I wasn’t going to transform myself overnight, and better yet, I knew if I tried, it would be unsustainable. I would work on one thing, teach myself to be disciplined, and then gradually address another problem area.
As the months passed and the phases of quarantine lifted, I found myself retracting from a lot of the usual activities I would have normally engaged in. I made a commitment that even after quarantine, I would continue working on myself.
SIDE NOTE: Working on yourself does not mean socially isolating and spending 100% of your time alone. Health is an all encompassing concept. It requires you to look at your physical, mental, emotional, and social well-being from a bird’s eye view. Adjust as necessary, but do not fully neglect one area to make up for lost time with the others.
I say what follows not to boast but to hopefully inspire someone to realize that you CAN and you SHOULD make positive changes when that voice inside of you is begging for some newness. It will take time, the lulls will feel weird, but you have to remind yourself every step of the way that you are worth the growing pains it takes to get to where you want to be.
Since March 2020 I have:
Read some really amazing books that I encourage you to look into:
The Seven Laws of Spirituality
Outliers
Half the Sky
The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down
The Power of Now
Atomic HabitsShopped at small businesses when I can and cut back on needless spending as instant gratification
Put time limits in the settings of my phone to reduce how long I spend on social media
Became a content writing volunteer for a nonprofit organization
Allocated more of my income to social causes
Fund a micro-loan for a widowed mother of 8 who’s running her own small business in Rwanda (visit www.kiva.org for more info on how you can get involved)
Made it a point to get outside as much as I can
Said yes to trying new things like taking my first golf lesson with my coworker, starting a new workout class (s/o F45), starting this blog
… and most recently, decided to move cross-country to Salt Lake City, Utah because, well, life's too short to stay in one place.
I want to emphasize that none of this happened instantly. It’s been all the small changes and improvements I’ve made over the last few months that have led to the bigger outcomes. All the days of building habits, breaking old ones, and reteaching myself how to keep going despite the uncertainty ahead that made the most difference and has impacted my recent decisions. My move to SLC has been a long time coming, too. It was in July or August that I knew I wanted to try a new city, and it just so happens that within the last month, I’ve made the decision to go out to Utah.
You might be thinking, why in the world did I pick Utah? I mostly picked it because of its mountains and nature. Because I just spent a year in the city, and although I love Boston with every ounce of my being, I can’t imagine staying in one spot because it’s just “what I know”. To be completely honest, going to Utah and living in a place where I don’t know anyone and don’t know anything is pretty terrifying, and that’s why I know I need to do it.
At the end of the day, I am addicted to growth, and I know that the best way to grow is to throw myself into murky water and learn how to stay afloat.
To anyone who is reading this, even if tonight you read 5 pages of a book, put down your phone before going to bed, workout tomorrow for 10 minutes, or listen to a podcast that will teach you something new, you are headed in the right direction. What I have learned through quarantine is that you need to give yourself time to become a pilot, but every step forward is helping you get there.
Please value your ambitions and goals, give your attention to what you truly want, and do not stay where your heart feels heavy only because you’re scared of what’s on the other side. Take it from me, I have no idea if going out to Utah is 100% the right move for me, but I will also never know if I stay in Massachusetts. Regardless, if you go after something you want and it doesn't work out, at the very least, you took a leap of faith, and that, in my eyes, is admirable.
Love this!!