I avoided therapy for years. Years. Far longer than I should have. When I was younger, I had the obvious preconceived notions of therapy stuck in my head. The “therapy is for people who need help” ones. The really ignorant, wrong ones. Since no one I personally knew was going to therapy, (if they were, they sure as hell weren’t openly admitting to going) I just assumed, it’s for the “crazy” ones.
*pain, pain, pain writing that last sentence*
However, somewhere along the way, therapy became less of a, “ohhhh, you go to therapy?” and more of a, “why aren’t you in therapy?” type of conversation. People became more comfortable with the idea of talking about the fact that they were working with a psychologist or psychiatrist, which helped lessen the stigma around therapy as a whole.
Which, thank God. Everything depends on your mental health, so anyone who judges someone for taking their mental health into their own hands, probably needs a therapist themselves. Funny how that works, huh?
Regardless, I still avoided therapy for a long time, but not because of the previous preconceived notions I explained earlier. I got over those years and years ago.
To be frank, I hesitated seeking out a psychologist for so long because I didn’t like the thought of someone psychoanalyzing me. I didn’t want to feel like I had to deeply explain everything I was thinking and every scenario I was bringing up. I didn’t want to detail my thoughts and then, in the back of my mind, worry about someone thinking, “Wow, this one needs a LOT of help.” It made me anxious. To know someone was categorizing, dissecting, and scrutinizing me. I didn’t like the mere thought.
More than that though, I was nervous that my therapist was going to play devil’s advocate and constantly get me to look at my scenarios from a lens that felt like it went completely against my grain. I thought she was going to point out every little thing I’ve done wrong or thought wrong or said wrong and force me to relive guilt. And who wants to go through that? Not me.
So, as you can see, I avoided therapy for a really long time. I thought, “I have friends who are good listeners and offer good advice,” and, “I’m pretty good at managing my emotions anyway, so I don’t really need a therapist.”
Let me just say, all that justification was my fragile, fragile ego trying to protect me… and she wasn’t. My ego has an agenda that tastes sweet going down and then burns later on. I know her tactics all too well at this point.
In 2021 though, I forced myself to do a lot of things I was scared to do. Therapy was on that list.
So, I found a therapist, booked a session, and forced myself to show up. Preconceived notions, fears, and all. I logged into that Zoom meeting ready for the psychoanalyzing and wrath. “Bring it on. My guard’s up. I’m ready,” said my ego.
And you know what happened?
Nothing even close to what I thought was going to happen, happened.
“Naturally,” said my soul.
Instead, I was met with compassion. Lots of compassion. I was met with loads of space to say my piece. I was met with head nods and validation. I was never forced to relive guilt or forced to look at a situation that completely went against my grain. Ever.
Before therapy, I was nervous that my therapist would think my ideas were too far-fetched, that my expectations were completely unrealistic, that my views weren’t comprehensive enough. I was nervous that someone was going to slap some sense into me during a time when what I needed was for someone to say, “You got this.”
But instead, she would say, you feel that? Yeah, you can. And you think that? Yeah, you should. And you want that? Don’t settle for less. And you’re waiting on that? Keep waiting. And that’s what happened? I’m glad you’re out of that.
It was like someone stamped a pass of approval on everything I said, everything I did, and everything I wanted, and I was suddenly free from feeling like I needed to think, feel, or act any other way.
So, if therapy did one thing for me, it was make me feel validated and more secure in my positioning. It made me realize that I’m not so “crazy” after all.
Perhaps therapy isn’t like this for everyone. In fact, I know it’s not like this for everyone, but we’re all coming to the table with different plates. What you need and what you want may not be what the next person needs or wants. That’s important to remember.
What’s most important is that you’re talking through situations that weigh on you with someone else. That you know your “problems” are important and valid and deserve to be addressed. You don’t have to be crumbling at the seams to be in therapy, either. One of the healthiest things to do so is to build up your mindset while it’s healthy, but if that’s not the case for you, don’t wait. Your mental health is far too precious to leave for a rainy day.
A big, big thank you to anyone who works in the mental health industry. Healthcare workers in general are God’s gifts to Earth, and we should recognize their selfless efforts and thank them like our lives depend on it… because they do.
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