The first Friday of December, I was sitting on the couch, drinking an Italian white wine, watching The Grinch, and relaxing by myself. It was an ordinary day through and through. Nothing out of the blue happened.
Until 8PM rolled around.
My sister’s name flashed across the lock screen on my phone. I opened up the message, and immediately after reading her text, I knew the following few weeks were going to be a hustle.
With less than a three week notice, my sister asked me to attend her engagement party, scheduled for December 28th. Now, you might be thinking, “Why weren’t you invited to her engagement party in the first place?” It’s not that my sister and I were feuding and I didn’t receive an invitation because she didn’t want me there.
It’s that her engagement party is taking place in Amman, Jordan, a country located half-way across the world in the Middle East.
For anyone who doesn’t know, my sister’s fiancé is Jordanian. Many of his family members and friends reside in Jordan, a country adjacent to Palestine, Saudi Arabia, and Syria. My sister’s engagement party is an opportunity for his side of the family to celebrate this big milestone as he isn’t often home because he permanently lives in the US.
In case my sister is reading this, I best be totally upfront. She didn’t actually point blank ask me to go. She hinted at wanting me there. Her message said something along the lines of wishing that I could go because this event is not a small one. It is a formal party where lots of relatives will be in attendance, all of which are related to her fiancé. She said the more she thinks about it, the more she wishes my family could be there
But it doesn’t really make much of a difference how she worded it. “I wish you guys were coming,” was enough for me to decide, “Well, then I am.”
After that, I had to quickly pivot into travel mode. A list of preparation points has been replaying in my head since I decided I was going.
It looks something like this:
Scour every store and website for a dress
Find jewelry and shoes to go with said dress
Book a PCR Covid test
Inform everyone I’m currently working with and for that I’ll be out of pocket for 14 days
Cancel my 25th birthday plans
Let family know I won’t be home for Christmas
Order Jordanian dinar
Remember my passport
Do all the other things you’d do to prep and plan for a trip
On top of completing all my to-dos, I’m leaving a lot sooner than I initially anticipated because flights aren’t cheap, but I just happened to find one that isn’t terrible (in terms of $, not flight time— I’ll be traveling for a full 22 hours, if all goes well 🤞🏼).
And if it seems like I’m complaining, please know, I most certainly am not. I thrive in these kinds of situations. I crave them, too.
Throw me into the unknown, the uncomfortable, the unexpected, and I’ll feel right at home. Something in me loves the commotion. The feeling of being on the precipice of a better, more equipped, sharper person.
I follow the growth. These situations are saturated in it.
But anyway, since declaring that I’m attending her engagement party, three or four people have said to me, “You’re a really good sister for going,” but I just have to say, I don’t see it as that at all.
I honestly didn’t think twice about my sister asking me to fly to the Middle East for her once in a lifetime event. I didn’t say no because it would be too expensive or no because I didn’t have enough time to prepare. I didn’t try to figure out an Airbnb beforehand or places for me to visit while I was there.
I said “yes” as if I were saying yes to buying coffee that day. As if it were a no brainer. You want me there? Then I’m there. No questions asked (except I had a million questions, but you know what I mean).
When it comes down to it, the trip isn’t cheap. My flight schedule is not ideal in the slightest, and I’m scrambling to find a formal gown to wear to her event, amongst finishing all the other tasks on my list. I’m kind of hauling ass to fly overseas within a two week notice, but to be very frank, none of that is a deterrent for me.
Eventually, I will make the money back. I will catch up on sleep. I will find a dress, and it will all work out.
To bring this full circle, the reason I don’t see this entire scenario as me being a good sister is because this is my benchmark. It’s not about the cost, the time, the prep, any of that. This is what being a sister, a friend, a cousin, a whatever is all about.
You need me?
I’m there.
I’ve said this before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again, but I’m not much of a gift giver. I suppose it’s because receiving gifts is my last love language, so it’s not really top of mind for me to give other people physical gifts.
Perhaps this ideology is backwards, but the truth is, I might not be interested in buying you a gift that you’ll probably forget about in a month’s time, but if you ask me to fly across the world for you on a two week notice, I’ll drop Christmas, New Year’s Eve, my 25th birthday plans, work, and everything else I have going on to be by your side.
Because that’s how I measure the essence of my closest, most sacred relationships. I don’t give a damn if you give me a birthday gift or a Christmas gift, but if I know in my heart that you’d be on the next flight out to be there for me, wherever “there” may be, then I know we value our relationship the same way.
This is where “it’s the thought that counts” comes into play, too. It wouldn’t matter if you couldn’t afford the flight or you wouldn’t be able to take off work. As long as I knew that you’d hop on a plane for me if all the logistics were worked out, that’s all that’d matter.
In this case, I’m actually hopping on a plane, flying across the world, and spending 14 days in a country I’ve never been to for one reason, and it’s not because I’m a “good sister”. A good sister buys her sister and fiancé an engagement gift, which I didn’t do. (My deepest apologies, Marisa, but now you know where I’m coming from).
I’m going because there is nothing more valuable than showing up for people who need you. In 10, 20, 30 years from now when my sister thinks of her engagement party, she won’t remember what I got her or what I didn’t get her (hopefully). She’ll remember that I didn’t hesitate saying yes to being her sidekick in Jordan.
And if there’s any other reason why I’m doing this, it’s because I know she’d do it for me because, well, she already has.
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