What are your intentions about being alive?
I was recently asked that.
It struck me as one of the biggest personal questions you can possibly be asked. “What are your intentions about being alive?” seems, in my opinion, righteous to assume that my existence, anyone‘s for that matter, can be articulately explained with the English language.
It’s fair to say I did not answer the question with ease. I genuinely had a hard time even understanding it, let alone contemplating my response. It took me a few seconds to think of anything to say at all, but then after my hesitation, I actually felt a little angry.
Let me start with, I fully enjoy pondering big questions that seem to have no right or wrong answer. I love to have conversations that are rooted in contemplation because the ideas people come up with are usually so creative and expansive that it forces me to open up my mind to new ways of thinking. When the realm of possibilities is infinite, we don’t stay stuck in “this” vs. “that”, or “right” vs. “wrong”, or “me” vs. “you”. We blur those lines and exist for a moment in a unity that is free to just be.
When we don’t have answers to big questions, nothing is off the table. No answer is too imaginative or unrealistic, and there’s no pressure to be “right”. I think a lot of the world is caught up in the division between what is “right” and what is “wrong”, which is why I think I’m inclined to enjoy questions that don’t have a concrete answer. You may be “right” or you may be “wrong”, but we will never know. So, instead of the focus being on winning an argument or coming up with the most accurate response, it’s more on using your brain and mind to conjure different possibilities.
With all that said, you may be thinking, “It seems like ‘What are your intentions of being alive?’ would be super up your alley. Why isn’t it?”
Here’s why I was taken aback and upset:
I wasn’t born with one specific passion that burned a hole through my person and is absolutely unwavering in needing my full-blown attention. If you were born with a dream, goal, or vision, I would say this question would be easier to answer. Even if you weren’t born with a passion and it manifested later on in your life, you’d still probably have an easier time answering the question. I say that because a lot of people equate passion and dreams to the purpose of their life. I am not saying this is wrong. If that’s how you interpret and view your own life, who am I to say no?
I am, without a doubt, certain that writing is part of my passion. I know that because I didn’t wake up one day and decide I wanted to write. I actually didn’t know how much I liked to write until my late teens, but it wasn’t an “aha” moment for me when I discovered this. It was like looking at a part of your body and really seeing it for the first time. You’ve looked at that same spot for your whole life, but once you gave it a conscious thought, you saw it in a different light.
Regardless of the fact that I know writing is part of my passion, I am still very unclear as to how I should be utilizing it. Writing is a very broad skill to have, and I’m not sure what pairs well with my gift.
So, you could say I would answer “what are your intentions of being alive?” with “writing in some capacity,” but that still kinda rubs me the wrong way.
I will write until the day my fingers can no longer hold a pen or a phone in my hands. I will write whether no one ever reads my words or the whole world does. I truly believe that if you have a gift or a dream, that gift or dream actually has you. It chose you. It wants to be given life by you. But I am not solely here to write. I am not solely here to craft up a message or blog post or anything for that matter.
I am here for more than I myself will ever know— should ever know. I can sit and ponder why I’m here for the rest of my life, and I will still never get it “right”. And you know what? I don’t want to either. I sure as hell would like to know what pairs well with my ability to write so that I can hone in on that specific skill/craft, but this is a journey for a reason.
“What are your intentions of being alive?” feels like it needs a “right” answer. The only one who would ever know if it’s “right” is you, and if you get something about yourself “wrong”, something that questions your entire existence, that feels like it would do a lot more damage than good.
So, my intention of being here is just to be here. To experience this life I’ve been given and accept that there is a grander plan for me than I’ll ever know. I have specific intentions during different phases of my life, but even those don’t encapsulate my whole intention of being alive.
To anyone who is questioning parts of themselves or parts of their lives at this moment in time, know that the uncertainty is part of the journey. And if anyone ever asks you what you’re here for, whether you have a passion or not, tell them you’re here because you’re meant to be here. If that’s not a good enough answer for them, remind them that big questions have infinite possibilities... as they should, as you should.
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