Intention vs. Execution

I’ve been an introspective person my entire life. I’ve analyzed my own thoughts and actions to better understand why I think a certain way or why I possess a certain behavior. It has helped me immensely with making connections between my past and present. It also allows me to be at ease with the not-so-glorious parts of myself.

I have silently studied those around me, as well. I’m extremely interested in what makes people reactive in different situations, how people co-exist with one another, why people are receptive to some forms of communication while others struggle with those same forms. I’ve drawn various conclusions from my observations over the years, and having that basis has helped me navigate interactions (or at least better understand them from afar).

Despite all the conclusions I’ve drawn, one major consensus I have made is that we, as humans, put too much emphasis and attention on how others speak/act as opposed to deciphering what their intentions are.

Someone may be more inclined to understand another’s intentions, but that trait does not always come naturally. It comes down to how much you are willing to listen, and when I say listen, I mean using all five senses to be thoroughly present in the moment, not being a passive body with an active mind that’s elsewhere. Not every person you come across can articulate what he is trying to communicate, but if you listen hard enough, you’ll hear what he is trying to convey.

It is important to pay attention to the way people use their hands, the inflection in their tones, the passion in their voices. Pay attention to the context of their stories and the environment they are setting them in. It’s in the small ways we interact that really play a vital role in figuring out someone’s intent.

Personally, I know I‘ve said things that came across totally opposite from how I intended them to. At the same time, I know that I have taken others’ words and have scrutinized them without realizing that although their delivery may have been poor, their intentions were pure.

If you’re not used to listening for other people’s intentions, it won’t be a skill you can master overnight. It will take time to sift through the words they use, and at times, those words may be both hurtful and morally wrong. What is important, though, is trying to overlook their verbiage and focus on what is causing them to say whatever they are saying in the first place.

The most concrete, relevant example I have is pertinent to the Black Lives Matter movement. The first time I heard about the movement I was a freshman in college. I didn’t know anything about it, but I was in a class called “Ideas that Change the World” where my professor talked about its importance and origination.

We had several lengthy discussions about the topic, and one of them really stood out to me. A classmate of mine challenged the movement and stood by the fact that, “all lives matter”. My professor agreed with her and said, “Yes, all lives do matter, but that is not what the movement is intended to promote.” After a long back and forth discussion, she said, “if you’re having a hard time understanding why BLM is called Black Lives Matter, maybe you should start thinking of it as Black Lives Matter, too.”

This really helped me understand people (and events at large) from an intention point of view instead of an execution point of view. I’m not even sure if “execution” makes the most sense here, but I guess that further enforces my point: if you can get past the words and ways people communicate, you can probably find the reason they’re speaking in the first place.

As for BLM, it is the intention of the movement that is relevant, not the semantics of its name. It was never intended to discredit the validity of any human’s life. In fact, it was intended for the opposite— to fight for a whole race’s fair and equal worth.

All in all, I am a victim of jumping to conclusions and being reactive in situations that I should have taken an extra second to think about. It is my most raw instinct to automatically assume other people are malicious because of an emotionally charged delivery. I’m sure that’s the case for most people, as well. It is in the times I’ve taken a step back, understood where someone was coming from, asked questions, and listened intently, that I’ve realized it’s not about using the most selective words or carefully crafted approach. It’s about searching for the original purpose. When you find that, words and delivery just become a vehicle for people to communicate their initial intention.

P.S. I am in no way knocking the importance of word choice, the power of diction, or the fight to end the use of words that are inherently hateful. There is a long list of words I purposefully omit from my vocabulary because of their deeply rooted negative connotations. My intention is to shed light on being a receiver in a conversation. In the times we are listening, I think it’s valuable to put into perspective that our own knowledge and emotional intelligence does not always equal that of the other person. I believe we need to give others the room to deliver what they can in the way they can, and then decipher their intentions so we can see what they see, too.