Sprezzatura

There’s a concept that originated in Italian literature way back in the 16th century by a man named Baldassare Castiglione. He wrote a book instructing noblemen how to dress, speak, dance, and dine. Castiglione was particular about how one presents himself because nobility goes hand-in-hand with the learned science of appropriate etiquette. If you want to be highly regarded with a prestigious status, well, you better know how to hold yourself like a king.

Now, I couldn’t really care less about Italian noblemen from the 16th century, and let it be known that I did not read Castiglione’s book. I’d rather read about dirt, quite frankly. The only reason I have an affinity for this man is because he coined a concept that isn’t only specific to sport jackets and dress shoes.

Take a look at the picture below. The man in the photo looks well-dressed. His tie is properly tied, his jacket isn’t wrinkly, his buttons are fastened, and overall, he appears clean, put together, and rather formal.

Do you notice anything a little off about the picture? Is there something that seems like it needs tweaking?

I want to draw your attention to the man’s wrist, if your eyes haven’t already gone there. You can see that his watch is over the cuff of his shirt, and that, is what’s a little off.

Castiglione, the author of that Italian book I mentioned earlier, developed an idea called sprezzatura. The first time I learned about this concept, I learned about it in context to men’s fashion.

“Leave one side of the collar popped.”

“Pick a pocket square that doesn’t match.”

“Position your tie clip slightly sideways.”

I’m a woman who’s never worn a tie in her life and would never intentionally leave one side of her collar popped. You just wouldn’t catch me dead in either of those scenarios. But my mind moves a million miles a minute, and as soon as I understood what the point of sprezzatura was, I knew it permeated into every part of life.

The point of sprezzatura is to suggest that nothing is perfect. Even in seemingly perfect situations, there is always something a little off. If what you’re looking at is flawless, you can probably assume, it’s too good to be true— that the person wearing a perfectly fitted, matching outfit had a wardrobe malfunction that you didn’t see.

I don’t walk down the street and look for sprezzatura in people’s outfits. I walk through my life and call it out when I see it, to remind myself and the people around me that imperfection is just how we live because there is simply no other option.

I used to struggle with perfectionism, and you can probably argue I still do. That word steals our uniqueness, our flaws, our hiccups from us, and demands we be a uniformed, well-dressed, Italian male who wasn’t properly informed about sprezzatura. When in reality, every single one of us has a popped collar or a mismatching pocket square, whether or not you own a suit.

I catch myself saying this word aloud and then realize no one around me knows what it means. I say it because we are creatures of habit, and the more I say it, regardless who knows its meaning, the more I reinforce to myself that some things are just meant to be a little off.

There’s a stain on my shirt... sprezzatura

There’s a chip in the mug... sprezzatura

There’s a mistake in the spelling... sprezzatura

There’s a bump in the road... sprezzatura

There’s a setback in my life... sprezzatura

There’s any sort of inconvenience or mishap that I didn’t plan for... sprezzatura

I used to be someone who would rip out an entire page of notes from my notebook if I made one mistake in pen. I would scrub off my makeup if my eyeliner weren’t perfect. I’d throw out any piece of artwork I made in school if I accidentally colored a little outside the lines. I look at that girl and think about how much stress she added to her own life trying to be so perfect. It pains me a little, but I don’t think I’d appreciate the value in imperfection if I weren’t so familiar with its opposite.

When we stop trying to have everything line up and work out exactly how we envisioned it, we give ourselves the liberty to enjoy the ride.

One time I read that broken objects in Japan are sometimes repaired with gold. Some see it as the object having a history; I see it as sprezzatura.