The Pits

I have gone back and forth about writing and posting this because it feels vulnerable to share, but then again, if you’ve been reading my content, you know I practically only share my raw moments.

It’s clear I’m living an unemployed life right now. I left my finance job three months ago and have been looking for my next gig for about two months now.

It’s been a really defeating feeling to job search, network, write cover letter after cover letter, and spend a lot of my mental energy on thinking about how to stand out, what to do next, and how I can get ahead. It was hard back in college when I was applying for internships, and it’s even harder now while I’m trying to transition from finance jobs to writing jobs. “Who the heck hires a rather inexperienced ex-financial analyst to be part of their content and copy team?” is a thought I have to repeatedly push out of my head.

It’s hard to stay motivated after receiving several rejection emails. It’s hard to think you’re anything special when you can see that hundreds of people are applying for the same position as you. It’s hard to resist the urge to apply for a job you’re more qualified for knowing you’d make a lot more money and get hired a lot faster and easier in an analyst role. At the end of the day, it’s just been straight up hard.

Do I regret leaving my finance job? Not even a little.

Did I think it was going to be easy to get a writing job? Nope.

Didn’t I suspect that I would be unemployed for a bit while I tried to figure this all out? Yes, yes I did.

I knew this was going to be challenging, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that what I feel is what I feel.

I know that I am competent enough to be a content writer. I know that I’m more passionate about taking a bottom-of-the-barrel writing position than I am with taking a more experienced analyst position. It’s not that I question what I’m capable of. It’s that I question how to make someone see and believe that.

When I first started this blog, it wasn’t just to write about all the thoughts that no one would listen to. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing blog posts more than I love doing most other things in life. There’s no mistaking that I deeply value my little platform here, but I also started this blog to serve as a portfolio for my content. I knew that if I were ever going to make a transition into a writing-focused job, I’d need to showcase my ability in one central location.

Building a portfolio doesn’t happen overnight. Learning new skills, gaining new knowledge, and opening yourself up to a new industry takes time. You have to be patient with yourself and reinforce that you’re doing the work, even if it feels like it’s taking forever for the results to manifest. I think the only reason I feel like it’s taking forever when it’s only been a few months is because, deep down, I’ve been waiting my whole life to write. So, even though it may seem like it’s just the beginning, it’s really been years in the making, which makes the whole waiting part even tougher.

The last few months have taught me an important lesson that has been hard to learn because I’m a goal-oriented person. The truth of the matter is that good things take time to create, and if you try to sprint towards what’s best for you, you may run out of steam before the race is over.

I’ve concluded that sometimes it doesn’t matter how fast you go. Sometimes it’s about how committed you are despite how slow you go. When you want something really badly, it’s hard to keep in mind that pace is not as important as commitment. It’s hard to remember that progress is still progress even if it’s slow. I have spent months and months learning that little by little, a little becomes a lot. Whether that’s over a day, a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime, every little thought and ounce of effort will compound over time.

At this point, I am being as patient as possible. I am reminding myself that what’s meant for me won’t pass by me and that if I want something bad enough, I won’t stop regardless of how many times I get rerouted.

If you’ve made it this far, I want to emphasize that I do not wish for this rant to be seen as a pity party, and I apologize if that’s what it feels like. I want to shed light on the fact that sometimes we have to put our heads down and keep chugging along, regardless of how hard a situation is. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the pessimism and negative self-talk, but it’s way more fulfilling and rewarding to remind yourself that you’re worthy of whatever it is you want.

I know it’s hard to stay hopeful during a period of turbulence, but try to be grateful for the pits when you’re in them because eventually they’ll turn into lessons. Remind yourself that your time to shine will come. It will. In the meantime, just be grateful.