I went on a date recently, and after I finished saying whatever it was I was saying, the guy looked at me and said, “How old are you? You’re really wise.”
Now, I know he meant it as a compliment so I responded with, “thank you,” but I couldn’t help but think, “he’s got it all wrong.”
I have heard similar comments to his throughout my life.
“You are wise beyond your years,” is one I often hear.
No one who says that to me means it as an insult, so I am flattered it’s meant as a compliment. It’s just that, those comments always cause a slight conflict within me.
Obviously, as we age we have more experiences, live through more ups and downs, and mature through that process. I’m not saying that I disagree with the idea that with age comes wisdom. I have definitely gotten wiser as I’ve grown older.
What I don’t agree with is the belief that wisdom is solely found within old age. One may assume that it should be easier for elders to be wise based on the fact that they’ve had more experiences, but it’s also not out of the question for younger people to be wise, as well.
I don’t think wisdom just naturally comes with age, and I find it offensive when anyone looks down upon someone who is young because they haven’t had “as many experiences”. I’ve heard that one a lot too, “I’ve had a lot more experiences than you, so I know better.”
Just because you may be older than someone does not mean you are wiser than them. It just doesn’t. To be completely frank, I’m a lot wiser than a lot of people older than me, and I could have said the same for when I was younger, too. I don’t find that conceited, either, because wisdom isn’t an inherent trait that’s attached to age. In other words, if you age and don’t get wiser, you’re not being gypped of the human experience. Wisdom is a cultivated craft, not a gift only given to the “worthy”.
Wisdom, in my eyes, isn’t this magical guide or ball of advice that can only be defined and understood by thinking “that person is an old soul”. Although I am inclined to believe this isn’t my first life, I think conjuring up anyone’s wisdom to the fact that they’ve lived many lives before, is actually robbing them of their unique characteristics.
I’ll speak for myself here, but I think wisdom is a combination of a few factors: observation, connection, and implementation.
The most important part of being wise, in my opinion, is being able to observe your surroundings from less of a judgmental standpoint and more of a, “huh, that’s interesting,” viewpoint. I have never once thought, “Okay, I really want to be wise, so I’m going to observe every possible thing I can.” What happened was I fell in love with listening. What do you do while you listen? You observe.
It's easy to talk and talk and talk and not listen to other people, and I don't mean just hearing someone else's words and understanding what they're saying. I mean actually putting yourself in their shoes. Empathizing with them. Letting their feelings and emotions bring you to life. Sending goose bumps down your spine. Sparking a fire in your heart to want to change something. Caring about who they're talking about. Wanting to just keep listening to hear the end. Feeling anything at all and being able to say, "I know who you are, not just what your name is or where you’re from. I know now why you don’t smile when someone compliments you or why you walk with your head hung instead of lifted in spirits".
Until you learn how to detach your mind from your own body and envelope yourself into someone else's story, you'll never truly be listening.
A lot of being wise isn’t just observation, though. It’s taking what other people have told you (so listening intently) and resurfacing that advice in similar scenarios later on. I mentioned in my first blog post that I don’t think I have any original content of my own. I am a mixture of the regurgitation of other people’s wisdom and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.
The second factor of wisdom is being able to make connections from observations you’ve made in the past. Being able to pull from an observation you’ve previously made and connect it to a present situation is vital. Every single encounter and experience we have is different from the last, but the undertone of experiences can be easily related/connected to past happenstances. This is a rather natural occurrence that takes place in my head, but it wouldn’t be as seamless for me if I didn’t have an ocean of observations to pull from in the first place. It’s a lot easier to relate certain situations when you have ample scenarios to pull from in your library of life events.
I also want to add that listening intently is important because you’ll remember more details of a story when you’re fully attentive, rather than half-listening, thus making it easier to connect two situations.
The last part of wisdom is implementation. After you’ve made a connection between what has happened in the past to what’s happening right in front of your face, you have to be able to actually say/give/act on the right advice for that specific scenario. It’s one thing to think wise thoughts, and it’s another to be of service to someone or something that needs it. It’s a tricky thing to figure out what’s most needed in a low moment, but if you master all the steps before implementation, this should come effortlessly.
You do not have to be 30, 50, or 80 years old to be wise. I’m 24 years old, and I’ve thought along the same lines as I do now since my earliest memories. I wasn’t crafting blog posts and spewing “wisdom” when I was in elementary school, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have “more mature” thoughts. I’m lucky that at a young age I was inclined to observe, listen, and connect my observations to conjure those “mature” thoughts, but I’d like to bring awareness to the fact that “wise” doesn’t have as mystified of an origination as some people may think.
I respect my elders as I have observed and listened to them since the day I was born. I will continue to learn a lot from people who are older than I am, as will everyone else. I also ask that we steer away from the idea that “wisdom” and “age” are synonyms. I believe that being wise is truly a skill and a craft.
So, I may be an “old soul”, but I’ve also done a lot in this lifetime (even if that just means observing), which can explain the reasoning behind why wisdom isn’t reserved just for elders.
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